When your child is growing and discovering the world around them, they suddenly no longer look at you as THE only source of love and inspiration. And let's face it, you are tired too after taking care of their every need. Their toddler years have sucked out your energy. You are almost ready to let them go. But it isn't time just yet. Not just yet. Otherwise, you risk losing your child to mindless scrolling, unwanted technology and their peer group. But there is no person than you, dear parent, that a child needs more in their formative years. Building a bond with your child is like watering a plant AND exposing it to sunlight AND fertilising it AND tending to it with affection. The roots grow deep and wide and set their foundation for adult life. During the formative years when they are six or seven until the ages of 12 or 13 when it is time to let them explore the world a little more, the time you spend with your child may lessen. And that is totally fine. Giving your child agency is one thing, but letting them get addicted to screens is another.
So how can you develop that bond with your child?
You can do this by the simple task of reading. This trivial act will serve as a tool for establishing a connection with your child and understanding between the two of you.
Reading to your child and with your child is as easy as walking to your local library borrowing a book and sitting together for 10 minutes every day.
I did this as a parent of two young boys. Holding their little hands and walking to the library is still very much one of our find memories. When we first moved to the UK, the local library in the area in South London was undergoing refurbishment. There was a mobile library which used to be parked in a narrow lane. The boys and I used to go and choose books and come back with a bog full of books. When we visited the place last month having moved to the opposite part of London, we walked past that lane and past the library. The memories made us smile and fondly remember those days gone past.
Shared stories become a shared language and shared memory.
When you read with you children, you are communicating to them that they matter and that you have time to spend with them. This simple task will create memories that will last for a long time in their lives and yours.
Reading serves multiple benefits.
It aids in the development of language and the expansion of vocabulary. As your child is exposed to diverse words, they are banking them for when they will need to use their words in oral and written communication. This will aid them in what they feel, and what they believe in. It will help them form and express their opinion with clarity. Having a wide vocabulary will encourage them to improve their communication skills.
Reading also fosters imagination and creativity. When you are read together with your child, it opens up a world of creativity where they can imagine worlds beyond their own and beyond the world of the book they are reading, sparking creativity through the magical world of storytelling.
The act of reading also creates empathy or makes one identify with characters or what they undergoing or what they are feeling. Seeing characters navigate various emotions, children can understand that it's normal to feel a wide range of emotions, helping them develop empathy for others. The emotions of characters in a story can serve as conversation starters between parents and children. Discussing characters' feelings can open up a dialogue about the child's own emotions, fostering a supportive and communicative environment.
As a parent, you can ask questions like, "How do you think the character is feeling right now?" or "Have you ever felt like that before?" This is what I call intentional reading. I write about this in my blog on the 11 Plus Journey.
You can make reading a fun, enjoyable family activity. Creating a cosy reading environment at home. It can be a corner filled with piles of books or the bed for a good storytime for reading during the day or at night. You can take turns with your children to voice different characters, make fun voices, and 'become' a character.
This doesn't have to be a problem if there is a language barrier either. You can learn with your child through books. Storytelling is universal and a basic human need to listen to and tell stories. Language is only a medium. Parents can also use bilingual books or translate as they read.
Building a routine will help you stay consistent and reap the rewards of doing this daily. Make reading a part of your daily ritual. Team it up with tea time or dinner time. Make a timetable and stick it to the wall. That way you can get back to reading even if you miss one day.
There is no hard and fast rule when it comes to selecting books. Choosing books that your child likes is a priority and then you can explore different genres and gently suggest books that you know will expose your child to rich language, and different topics. It is easing them gently into the world of books so that they can slowly open up to the classics, science fiction, literature and other genres.
I encourage you to reflect on the bond formed through reading with your child. How has it improved the way you communicate with each other? How has this helped you to keep your child engaged? How has reading together improved the quality of your relationship?
Reading together is a simple yet powerful way to strengthen the bond with children aged 7 till 11. It sets the tone for a lifetime of learning mindset which is a powerful tool you can give your child. I have written about this in my blog 'Nurturing a child's learning and growth mindset' on the 11 Plus Journey.
