Part 3
The Gradual Unraveling of My Marriage
I didn’t realize over the years that I was being psychologically abused. He was not happy with pretty much anything I did. He didn’t like my cooking and would criticize how I cooked something. He was very picky, and it seemed that nothing was ever good enough for him. We had problems over the years, but I brushed them off, hoping things would get better. Some years were okay, but I was never truly happy with him.
The Subtle Signs of Emotional and Psychological Abuse
I didn’t really want to be affectionate towards him. We didn’t go out much, just the two of us, and I didn’t want to. He always did, but I would come up with an excuse as to why we couldn’t go out. We never had deep conversations. He was very insecure about himself, and because of that, he would make me feel bad. He was never encouraging, although he pretended to be. Over the years, he slowly tore me down, despite knowing how strong of a woman I was.
Financial Strain and Stress
Money was always a strain. We had a remodeling company for 16 years, as well as a home inspection company. I helped run both businesses while also doing some health coaching, as health and wellness are very important to me. Juggling everything was difficult, and I lost confidence in myself, feeling terrible about my abilities. After years of financial strain, we decided to close both businesses and move from Maryland to Florida, hoping for a fresh start.
Physical Abuse and Isolation
About a month before our move to Florida, my ex-husband hit me with a spatula. It was the first time he had ever laid hands on me in that way, after 17 years of marriage. I couldn’t believe it. I was in disbelief, unsure of what had triggered his outburst. I wasn’t on speaking terms with my family, and I believe he knew I wouldn’t tell anyone. When I brought it up later, he didn’t apologize or say anything—he just gave me a blank stare.
The Move to Florida: A False New Beginning
We moved to Florida, hoping for a fresh start, but things only worsened. My ex-husband seemed angrier and more agitated. While I thought my daughter and I were struggling to adjust, in hindsight, I see it was him. Without his friends and with no close relationship with his family, he had no outlet for his emotions. The tension continued to build, and life felt increasingly strained. I remember the first Father’s Day we had in Florida and he was very grumpy and just not happy. He had never acted like that before on Father’s Day. I never really knew why he was like that. Over the course of 2 and half years I lived in Florida at the time things went from bad to worse. Two years after he first hit me he did it again on my backside. His look on his face was like a monster erupted. I couldn’t believe he did it again. By that point I was already planning on leaving. I just needed to get my bearings and figure out how I was going to do it. I just didn’t expect him to hit me again. I should have expected anything at this point.
This was the slow unraveling of my marriage. The red flags, both emotional and physical, were there, but I didn’t see them for what they were until much later.
Read Part 1
