Why your business can be one of hardest things to talk about as a woman
Confidence is key to success, especially in business, but many women struggle to find that confidence when discussing their businesses. Maybe you dislike all public speaking or it’s just when you’re talking about yourself and what you do that your confidence drops. Of course this isn’t something unique to women, but the more women I work with, the more I see societies expectations as a major factor. Of course our individual experiences and upbringing also plays but even those can be skewed by gender expectations.
Here are a few things I’ve noticed, some reasons why they occur and the impact they have on how we project ourselves to the world.
Not recognising our passion
Although we see more women speaking about their passions than anyone on social media, I’ve noticed that women often discover what lights them up much later in life. There is a pressure to be sensible, reliable, to support those around them, and to put pastimes and hobbies away. If it doesn’t help the kids, make money or improve the home it’s ignored. Too many of us don’t know what our passions are and we’ve stopped noticing them because we’ve learnt not to value them. More than once I’ve surprised a client by pointing out that they are completely passionate and wrapped up in a memory I’ve encouraged them to share.
It’s only when we recognise these moments and how they reveal our true selves that we can start sharing our passion. When we can connect with ourselves in this way, and speak from that place of being connected, then we are in flow. It’s easier to talk about something we are passionate about and when we do those we speak to feel it too.
Not sharing our achievements
From a young age, girls are taught to be humble and put others first. We are encouraged to praise others but be modest modest about our own achievements, not to brag. These messages don’t just come from the home, but schools and our peers. We can be so tuned into not bragging that even some of the most daunting challenges we face are often looked back on as insignificant and something that was just par for the course and we dismiss important qualifications. As a double whammy, it’s been proved that women are often viewed negatively for sharing the same level of achievement as men, so even as an adult it’s a minefield. Yet, achievements are exactly what our potential clients need to hear and if we’re not acknowledging them ourselves we continue to lack confidence in our potential.
Believing we are worth less
A study was done that showed when a man/woman couple were both in good status jobs and the man lost his job then there was a major impact on the relationship. When the woman lost her job there was almost no impact at all. Even in today’s most equal of societies it seems that we value what women do less than we value men’s contributions. It’s much harder to build a business when you don’t believe it’s a real business, but where men have side hustles women are less likely to describe that income stream as a business, even if it’s performing better. Historically work done by women was seen as lower value simply because a woman did it, now I meet women who are being told that their business ‘isn’t a real business’ based on little other than women, parents or children are their target market. Generally it’s a thinly veiled way of saying ‘as a woman you are not important enough to have a business’ and sadly we buy into that. If we don’t believe we are important enough to have a business, we tell ourselves that it’s not a real business. Trying to speak about a business that you don’t believe exists gives neither you or your listener confidence.
Three things I advocate to help you speak about your business
When someone comes to me wanting help with speaking about their business, they often expect me to tell them about projecting their voice, using notes, or restructuring their talk. These are important but without tackling underlying belief issues an average message will just become a well delivered average message. How those are best tackled depend a great deal on you but there are three things that I’d recommend
Gather your achievements and feedback
Create a list of all your achievements. Include qualifications, positive outcomes and anything that you were proud of or felt good about at the time. As a lot of people get stuck on this, try considering things you thought would be hard but did anyway, or that you saw other people do and thought it wasn’t something you could, but now have These are all achievements and you probably take them for granted now.
Makes notes of any feedback you get. Not just testimonials and reviews but positive comments that have been made about what you offer and the impact. Some will be things you can share and some won’t, but keep track and read them back to yourself regularly.
Recognise your passion
Too many clients have told me that they are in their business because it’s convenient and makes money. These are never the only reason that they chose that business over another. Make an effort to notice your feelings and when you are talking passionately about what you do. Sometimes you’ll find yourself gushing about a great experience, sometimes it will be a total full on angry rant about something related to your product or service. Both of these come from your most deepest beliefs and will help you identify what really drives you. Also ask questions from trusted people around. Identifying your passion can take time but it could be the most important thing you do for you and your business
Find your support network
Most people don’t have a business and don’t understand much about business, even if they do they may not understand yours for whatever reason. In addition, your family and friends will see you as the person they have grown up with, and will rarely be able to picture you at your full potential. Being surrounded by people who understand you and your journey, cheer-lead you and can believe that the person you are now is not be the person you will become is vital to believing in your worth, helping you recognise achievements and understanding your passion. Check out my favourite MIB International of course, but look around and seek out the formal and informal relationships you need around you, the right one is out there for you.
Conclusion
Although we often think that our challenges in introducing ourselves and speaking about our business are due to a lack of public speaking skills, they often come more directly from our role in society and the expectations on us. When we question the validity of the stories we are telling ourselves and pay attention to the proof we can offer then our confidence grows. As we can speak with confidence about our business, then that confidence shines through, our passion connects with authenticity and our businesses grow.
If you need more confidence when speaking about your business then I have a very special workshop coming up in July.
Networking essentials: mastering your elevator pitch , find out more here
