Money shame refers to the deep-seated feelings of embarrassment, guilt, or inadequacy surrounding your financial situation and decisions you make in relation to money and your beliefs about money. And it’s rarely talked about.
Money shame is an emotional response often built on internalized negative beliefs, societal comparisons or past financial experiences that have resulted in a sense of unworthiness or shame associated to your financial affairs. Recognizing the signs of money shame is vital in order to shine a light on your money beliefs and recognize your behavior around money and to take you out of those dark places where shame can often lurk.
It is crucial to take a compassionate look at money shame as the shame can keep you frozen in a cycle of inaction. Money shame seeps into your money mindset, hindering your growth and causing undue stress and anxiety.
Let's take a look at how you can identify and recognize money shame, so you can move forward with greater awareness:
How it shows up:
Guilt and Regret
We all make mistakes in life, who doesn’t? Even the super wealthy make money mistakes, but the difference is how you respond to it when you think about those past “life lessons”.
Give yourself a generous dose of self-compassion when you consider past financial decisions that you have made. Do some feel more raw or sore than others? You cannot change the past, but you CAN change how you think about it. See it for what it was. There is no point in continuing to give yourself a hard time about it. It will only reinforce negative memories of the event.
Take a positive step and look at what you can learn from it. Money is a renewable resource, believe it or not. Even when you thought you had no money, in time more came along, whatever amounts.
What you can do from here is to move forward with caution and perhaps be more informed when making a financial decision, whether that be loaning someone money, investing money or making a purchase.
Don’t let how you feel about past financial decisions block you from trusting again or taking a considered risk. Everyone has a different risk threshold. Even though you may have been let down in the past, it doesn’t mean that you need to judge everyone else by the same standard. Forgive yourself and take the learnings and look to the future.
Secrecy
Keeping “quiet” or silent about financial affairs, keeping matters “hidden”, secretive or avoiding talking about certain matters, even from loved ones, can be a sign of money shame.
This secrecy could stem from fear of being judged or fear of being exposed by loved ones or others. It could also stem from a belief that your financial situation is a source of embarrassment. Feeling that you don’t earn “enough” or have “enough” saved. This feeling of “not enoughness” can keep you from feeling fully relaxed around others when it comes to talking about money. It can also feed into the negative cycle of self-blaming.
Again, here I would encourage you to serve yourself a healthy dose of self-compassion. Everyone is different. You weren’t born to be someone else and they weren’t born to be you. Our journeys are all unique. After all, who really knows what is the truth when it comes to others talking about their money? There are a lot of smoke and mirrors out there.
If you do need help with debt management, many financial institutions now have specific specially trained Sensitive Customer Support teams that can help you look at realistic solutions going forward as well as other debt management charities.
Money shame thrives in silence and secrecy. Recognizing the signs and understanding the impact on your emotions and behaviors is half the battle. It’s time to stop feeding the monster! Now you have this new awareness, step forward with a renewed sense of self-worth served with a generous helping of self-compassion.
If you want to know more about money mindset coaching, visit www.sarahmcgirr.com.
