The Proposal and False Happiness and Hidden Motives
When my husband proposed to me, I was so happy—or so I thought. He was not present for important events, celebrations, or difficult times while we dated. When he proposed, I felt great because he chose me to spend the rest of his life with. I now don’t believe he just woke up and realized he loved me. He knew I would not tolerate his behavior any longer and knew he had to make some big move to keep me. I remember feeling on top of the world because I associated my worth with him choosing me over anyone else. I do believe he was convinced that I was the best choice for him as I am a responsible person and have a kind, loving heart. He knew that the back and forth of our relationship was not going to continue because I was done with being discarded over and over again.
Marriage and the Birth of Our Daughter
So we married and had a daughter a year and a half later. I was so happy to have a child with him. He acted as if he was excited to have a baby with me. I don’t know, maybe he was, but I really feel he thought that by having a baby together, I would never leave him. I believe he knew that stripping me of any financial independence, he could keep me chained to him. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that if I was financially independent, I would have the freedom to leave him. I ended up becoming a stay-at-home mom, and I was so glad and grateful for that.
Early Red Flags, Ignored Warnings of Anger
There were red flags during our dating relationship that he had anger issues and a temper. I believe I overlooked them because he never directed it towards me. But once we had our daughter, his anger came towards both of us. I was very protective of my daughter.
The First Incident Was A Frightening Display of Anger
One night, my daughter was crying when she was four months old. I was so tired, and I had hoped my ex-husband would get up and take care of her. Instead, he reached over me and hit her bassinet three times, telling her to be quiet. I got up and told him to never ever do that again. There was much silence the next day. So from then on, I found myself stuck. I continued to do my best and be a good mother. I handled the day-to-day stuff for the house and tended to our daughter.
The Growing Tension, Managing Anger and Control
At this point in the marriage my husband was not physically violent towards our daughter and not towards me. He, for the most part, kept his temper hidden from everyone but us. There were still times as my daughter started getting older, he would lose his patience. He hit her arm a few times, and I told him to never do that. I stood up to him. I can remember my daughter telling her father not to hit her. She was about two or three years old. I was able to keep him from hitting her and yelling at her, aside from the few times he hit her arm. He knew I meant business. I feel he was still afraid I would leave him, and so he didn’t want to be divorced a second time.
Read Part 1
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