It was the 8th June 2016 and I was at my local hospital at the breast clinic after the GP had referred me 2 weeks before after going to see him as I had found a lump in my left breast. I was not overly concerned as the GP felt it would be nothing sinister and even the doctor at the hospital did not seem concerned.
How wrong was I!!!
On the 10th I went back for my results. As I was not worried I just booked the morning off work so I could go for the appointment and then have time to get accross town for 1pm.
My friend offered to drive me and then drop me at work so I went into the hospital sat in a full waiting room scrolling Facebook on my phone just like everyone seemed to be.
The nurse came and shouted me she took me through to a room, and said the Dr would be through in a minute and she went out. A few minutes later from and adjoining room the Dr came followed by a Macmillian nurse and I remember thinking this did not look good. The Dr sat down and started to speak and I only heard I'm sorry to tell you that the results show you do have breast Cancer and from then it went muffled like I was wearing earmuffs and in my head all I kept thinking was Am I going to die? I have Cancer. The tears started to flow and the Dr finished and said we will give you a minute and I sat there on my own with allsorts going around in my head. How was I going to tell people, what would happen at work I had only been there 6 weeks. The tears just kept coming.
The Macmillian nurse came back through and gave me an A5 ring binder with as much information as a copy of War And Peace. I didn't want to look at it. She gave me 2 appointments for the following week and asked if I had any questions. I didn't I just wanted to get out I felt like I was drowning. She let me out of the side door to save me going through a crowded reception and waiting room and I made my way to the car feeling wobbly. I got to the car and put the binder on the seat I wanted to scream but there were too many people around. I took a deep breath and got in I needed a coffee and I also had to make some of the hardest I have ever had to make in my life.
First I rang mum and dad but there was no answer so rang her mobile and after a couple of attempts I got through just as we pulled up for a coffee so my friend went in while I stayed and talked to mum on the phone, then after that I spoke to my 3 younger sisters, a good friend I had been spending time with who himself had been diagnosed with cancer that was terminal months before and 2 more of my closest friends. Especially with my parents and sisters I was trying to be upbeat and positive but inside I was breaking.
I got to work and was early so I decided to go inside and get a brew. I waked through the office and tried not to make eye contact as I had only just stopped crying but my supervisor saw me and she followed me into the kitchen and asked and I broke down again. She said I should've gone home but i said I didn't want to go home and spend all afternoon worrying and thinking. I made my brew and went outside.
When I went back in I wanted to speak to my manager but he was on the phone so I sat and waited for him to finish then made my way to his desk. I told him what had happened and the tears came again so he handed me a box of tissues and said not to worry about what time off I needed my job would be safe which was a relief.
The next month was a blur with different appointments and then on July 4th I started chemotherapy at The Christie Hospital in Manchester. The plan was to have a cycle on a Monday every 3 weeks after checking bloods on the Friday and I was to have 6 cycles which did change to 7 just to shrink it more.
At the end of October before my last couple of cycles my friend passed away and when the day of his funeral came I was determined to go say my goodbyes no matter how rough I was so 4 days after chemo I went to his funeral.
My last cycle was put back a week so it meant my last one was the 14th Novemmber the day after my birthday, then 6 weeks after was my surgery but that was Boxing day so had it on December 30th they before New Year then 6 weeks after that I had 15 rounds of radiotherapy.
On March 8th I rang the bell to signal the end of nearly a year of treatment. My confidence was low and the weight gain due to steroids and the hair loss had left me feeling like people were staring at me.
The I was diagnosed with nerve damage in my back and fibromyalgia and I was finished on health grounds from my job.
In June 2018 I was offered the chance of a lifetime to help raise funds for the Maggie's centre who had helped me all through my treatment with practical, emotional and physical help.
I got to go on a catwalk, and Rick Astley would be on one (my catwalw was with the milktray man) and the I also did a lingerie and swimwear catwalk which got the biggest cheer of the whole afternoon.
My confidence started to rise and I joined a company doing network marketing. I also got involved with Prevent Breast Cancer and in October 2019 we took a bright pink double decker bus to various locations spreading awareness. I was surprised at how few people actually checked themselves regularly usually because as women we get busy with kids and work and keeping the house and chores done we forget about ourselves.
So now I like to make people think about the importance of checking once a month usually after your cycle. I set a reminder on my phone for the 1st of the month.
We know our bodies better than anyone, so if you notice a change that is not normal for you please please please go and get it checked as most turn out to be nothing more than a cyst but I thought that and was wrong and in the end it saved my life going when I did.
If anyone has any questions please feel free to ask I am happy to answer :)
PD our pink bus
