Today started like any other day, filled with tasks and responsibilities, but also with an undercurrent of tension that never seems to dissipate. From the moment I woke up, it was a rush to get the kids ready for school, manage the household chores, and try to keep everything in order. But amidst the chaos of the day, there's always that looming fear of not meeting someone else's expectations, especially when it comes to my partner.
The pressure to fulfill every demand, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem, weighs heavily on me. Even something as simple as ironing a shirt can become a source of anxiety, knowing that any slip-up could lead to anger and resentment from him.
As the day progresses, time slips away unnoticed, swallowed up by the never-ending list of tasks. And then, just as dinner is about to be served, he walks in, bringing with him a cloud of tension that suffocates the room. His disappointment is visible when he discovers the unironed shirt, and his anger is unleashed with little regard for the fear it instills in me and the children sitting there watching and listening in fear.
Caught in this cycle of expectations and disappointment, I retreat into myself, seeking solace in the familiar confines of my own thoughts. But even there, I find no refuge from the overwhelming sense of dread that filters through every interaction.
Amidst escalating tension, I couldn't bear it anymore. With a heavy heart and stifled breath, I stepped out into the pouring rain, seeking refuge from the storm both outside and within. And as the rain pours down, washing away the tears and fears, I find a brief moment of respite, knowing that perhaps, someday, I'll find the strength to break free from this cycle once and for all.
To be continued ...
