I’ve just finished cleaning out my car, one of those mundane tasks we tend to avoid, knowing full well it’ll be messy again in no time because, well, kids! But this time, as I tidied up, I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. It wasn’t just about cleaning; it was about transitioning into a new chapter ofmotherhood. I realised I’m no longer a “nappy-changing-bag Mama” and I haven’t been for some time. I’ve officially entered the era of rucksack-wearing Mum, and that hit me harder than I expected.
As someone who thrives on organisation, having everything in its place and being ready for whatever the day throws at us, I was struck by how much has changed. No more prams or baby toys. Instead, I’m packing plasters, hairbands, and sunscreen. The nappies, milk bottles, and muslins that used to clutter my car have been replaced by buckets, spades, and reading books. All signs that my babies are well on their way to becoming independent little adventurers.
It’s funny, isn’t it? You can go about your day, completing the routine tasks of parenthood on autopilot, and then something small like a tidy car boot space makes you pause. You stop and realise how the enormity of what you’re doing, what you’re living. Motherhood is full of these transitions, but the first time you get really notice one, it feels like a milestone. A bittersweet milestone, at that.
I’m in the thick of it with toddlers now. Gone are the newborn days, though I’m still breastfeeding, so there’s a little bit of that baby phase clinging on. But my life looks different. My hands are free, my back bears the weight of a rucksack, and I’m keeping up with two growing girls rather than tending to a newborn’s every need. It’s a shift, and honestly? It makes me sad.
I think back to my vision of motherhood. I always saw myself with a big family having three, four, maybe even five children. Yet here I am, blessed beyond measure with my two beautiful daughters, but also aware that I thought there might be another baby before we reached this stage. Things didn’t unfold the way I imagined, and that’s okay. I’ve come to accept that. Life moves, and we move with it, but it’s still something I think about from time to time.
And I realise how little we talk about this, the transitions we go through as mothers. We’re always focused on our children’s growth and milestones, but what about our own emotional wellbeing? Our development? The truth is, we evolve just as much as they do, if not more and before we know it, years have passed, and we’re navigating a new stage of parenthood without even realising it.
So, cleaning my car on a normal Tuesday morning turned into a moment of reflection. I’m well and truly in the next phase of motherhood, and while I do it all automatically now, there are times when the weight of it catches me off guard. It’s these moments that remind me how much we change, how much we grow, and how fast it all goes by.
I’ll keep packing my rucksack, making sure my girls have everything they need for our next adventure in this unpredictable Devon weather. But I’ll also allow myself to feel the weight of this transition. To pause and acknowledge that it’s okay to feel sad, even while being so grateful and content. After all, motherhood is a journey, and every chapter deserves to be recognised, celebrated, and felt deeply.
So, here’s to the rucksack-wearing Mums and all the transitions we’re navigating, one cleaned out car at a time.
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