It feels so much. Is it just me? Am I just rubbish at this? No, it is NOT just you and you are NOT rubbish, AND it doesn’t have to stay this way.
We are all juggling so much:
- Work
- Kids
- Running a home
- Keeping on top of the finances
- Care responsibilities
- Health and wellbeing
- Social and family coordination, including birthdays and holidays
- Appointments and scheduling
…and the list goes on and on.
It can feel exhausting, relentless and demoralising, particularly for women who are most often shouldering more of the burden. In this UN Women study they found that:
“this invisible and unrecognized work falls largely to women, who spend three times as much time on unpaid work as men worldwide”
Looking at life admin specifically, according to Weeks and Ruppanner’s study published in December 2024, mothers are handling:
“71% of household tasks that require mental effort”
Is it any wonder us women are increasingly feeling burned out by it all?
As well as the heavy mental loads of the tasks themselves, as women we typically feel guilt and shame when we can not manage it all. This often comes from societal pressures that expect women to seamlessly juggle household responsibilities, family life, work, and personal goals. When these expectations aren't met, it can trigger familiar feelings of guilt and shame, which then perpetuates the cycle.
The typical Life Admin Cycle
This is how that cycle plays out for so many of us:
Ideal vs. Reality
We often begin with the high standards we set for ourselves, that dream of a smooth running household and organised lives. However, the reality of juggling multiple responsibilities, time constraints, and those unexpected challenges can make this an Insta vs reality scenario, which then leads to…
Falling Short
We often and inevitably fall short of these unrealistic expectations. We may criticise ourselves for missing the mark and not being on top of things.
Guilt can then surface
You start feeling guilty for not meeting your own expectations or feeling you’ve dropped the ball. This guilt can manifest as self-criticism, negative self-talk, and feelings of inadequacy.
Guilt Escalates to Shame
This guilt can then morph into shame, a more profound sense of inadequacy or failure. Shame tells us we're not good enough, that we're falling short as a woman, partner or as a mother.
Avoidance and Procrastination
Shame can be paralysing. It can lead to avoidance and procrastination. We may avoid tackling life admin tasks altogether, compounding the problem and intensifying the cycle.
The Life Admin Overwhelm Cycle
This avoidance contributes to a growing backlog of tasks, amplifying the feelings of guilt and shame, and ultimately leading to increased overwhelm and anxiety. This impacts many areas of our lives, including our happiness, our free time, our finances, our careers, and our health.
The impact of this mental load on our health is part of the reason why women are shockingly 4 times more likely to suffer with autoimmune conditions than men. As demonstrated in this incredibly powerful 3 minute clip taken from a longer episode of the Mel Robbins podcast with Dr. Sara Szal.
Now let’s improve things
So it is not a failure on our part if we can’t keep all of the balls in the air, all the time, on our own. We shouldn’t feel guilt and shame when those balls don’t all stay up in the air, as we believe they should. So let’s move onto the first step in making things better.
The Brain Dump
In its simplest form, brain dumping is a fundamentally powerful technique that can have a profound impact on your mental well-being and productivity. It's a valuable tool for anyone who feels overwhelmed, stressed, or simply needs to declutter their mind.
There are many benefits of brain dumping, it's a powerful tool for reclaiming mental space and boosting well-being.
Brain dumping can:
Reduce Stress and Anxiety
Putting your thoughts and worries onto paper in and of itself lightens your mental load. Just the act of getting it out of your head, helps ease the stress of worrying you are going to forget it, or feeling dread that it has popped back up in your mind, and you still haven't added it to a list.
Enhance Focus and Productivity
By clearing out mental clutter, brain dumping creates space for improved focus and concentration. If it’s out of your head and ‘concrete’ somewhere, it means you can start to plan how to tackle it. You no longer need to keep it in mind as something that needs doing at some point.
Spark Creativity and Problem-Solving
When your mind isn't burdened by a million to-dos, when it feels like you are able to see more clearly what needs to be done, you can start to think more creatively about how you could approach these tasks.
Boost Memory
Writing things down can also improve memory recall and serve as a physical reminder of tasks or ideas. Things you may not have thought were on your mind can come pouring out once you start. And that’s a good thing!
Let’s go through a simple and practical 7 step system for getting on top of Life Admin.
Step 1: Get It Out of Your Head
Write down every single task, errand, and to-do item that's cluttering your mind. Don't worry about organising or prioritising yet, just get it all down on paper or in a digital document.
It can be a list, a mind map, a random outpouring of thoughts, the method doesn’t matter.
Brain dumping isn't just about ‘making lists’.
BUT, just writing it out, and staring at a massive list of jobs can feel worse than just having it in your head (out of sight out of mind huh!). So let’s take our brain dump and shape it into something we can work with.
Step 2: Categorise Your Brain Dump
It’s out of your head (which is great), but it’s very likely a jumbled list right now. So let’s group together similar tasks. This makes the whole process feel less daunting and more manageable.
Here are some ideas for categories:
● Appointments: Gather all those appointments that need scheduling or rescheduling – doctor, dentist, vet, hairdressers, car MOT etc.
● Errands: Group together those tasks that require leaving the house – any shopping that you can’t do online, post office runs, collecting a parcel, returning library books, dropping donations at the charity shop.
● Finances: paying bills, budgeting, updating insurance policies, paying for your child’s after school clubs, setting up a direct debit for your pet at the vets.
● Decisions to make: what are you giving your friend or relative for their upcoming birthday, what replacement vacuum cleaner would best work for your home, which company should you go with to fix your windows, what should you do about a holiday this year, researching what magnesium supplement would work for you.
Step 3: Prioritise
Now, look at your categorised list and highlight the most important and urgent tasks.
● Deadlines: Are there any time-sensitive items?
● Impact: Which tasks will have the biggest positive impact on your life?
● Quick Wins: Are there any small tasks you can easily check off the list - the low hanging fruit?
Step 4: Break it Down
Large tasks can feel overwhelming. Break them down into smaller, more manageable steps. For example, instead of ‘organise Joe’s birthday celebration’, break it into jobs you can actually get started on:
● Order or make Joe a birthday card
● Book a table at his favourite restaurant
● Order that new book by his favourite author
● Add pancakes and strawberries to this week's online food shop for his birthday breakfast.
Step 5: Schedule it
Allocate specific times for your life admin tasks. This could be a dedicated life admin session like those we run online on Saturday mornings or smaller blocks of time throughout the week.
Use a calendar or planner to schedule these times and set reminders. Maybe you spend half an hour on a Sunday evening or a Monday morning to look at what needs to be done that week. The first 10 minutes of your day with your cuppa could be looking at what you need to do today.
There’s that 10 minutes of time when the washing up is done, the tidying is sorted and the kids are in bed. Before you pop on Netflix or open your book, chip away at one of the tasks on your list. That little time pocket to get it out of your head and onto paper for tomorrow, so you can relax before bed and not have it in your mind as you’re trying to fall asleep.
Perhaps you make notes on a pad at the side of your bed just before sleep or ask your smart speaker to set a reminder for tomorrow.
You could set yourself a timer for how long you will work on your life admin. I find my visual timer (that I actually bought for my kids) really great for this. Or use your phone alarm function or download a free visual timer app. You will be amazed at what you can get done, chipping away in 15 minute slots of time.
Step 6: Eliminate and Delegate
Are there any tasks you can get rid of entirely or delegate to someone else? If you can afford it, consider hiring a cleaner or using a meal kit service.
Have you got a friend who would love to organise your paperwork (like me! I love organising), whilst you offer to take her stuff to the charity shop so she’s not driving round with it in her boot for weeks?
Do you have a friend who would love to help plan your kid’s Bluey themed birthday party? Maybe you batch cook a chilli while she’s getting creative and she leaves with a homemade meal.
Step 7: Start Small and Celebrate Wins
Don't try to do everything at once. Start with a few small tasks and gradually work your way up.
If you finish the job you have been putting off for weeks in 10 minutes, and then you rip into yourself about ‘how ridiculous it was that it took you so long to do something so easy’, your brain gets that negative message reinforced over and over. It believes ‘dealing with life admin sucks and it leaves me feeling crappy’ and you will then procrastinate and avoid it all the more.
The task itself may have been easy, it may only have taken you 10 minutes, but the overwhelm and the paralysis preventing you from starting the job was hard or else you would have just done it.
So recognise the win. It can be a little chair dance, saying out loud or in your head that ‘I did it and I rock’ or playing your favourite song whilst you boil the kettle for a celebratory brew. Whatever floats your boat and boosts the reward chemical in your brain (your dopamine).
Think of it as wiring your brain to link good feelings to finishing those admin tasks.
Make sure to keep a running list that you can add to easily as tasks come up. I always have my phone on me, so I add to list items in Google Keep or in WhatsApp messages to myself. When I am home with my diary and notebook I transfer whatever needs adding there.
Let's work on Life Admin together
Like any new skill, being on top of your life admin will take time to master. Practice makes progress. but you don’t have to go it alone.
If you are ready to ditch the overwhelm and create a life admin set up for yourself that actually works for you, why not sign up for the Life Admin Hive Newsletter where we explore tools and strategies for straightforward organisation, including electronic paperwork systems, automation tricks and using AI to ease the life admin burden.
