Learning to Love Yourself and Connect with Others: A Journey Worth Taking
I used to think self-love was just a buzzword thrown around on Instagram captions alongside yoga poses and avocado toast. “Love yourself,” they said, as though it were as easy as flipping a switch. Meanwhile, I was juggling a family, a teaching academy, a crazy social life, and a ridiculous notion that success meant constantly saying “yes” to everyone except myself. Spoiler alert: it didn’t end well.
It took a serious health crisis—and a complete pause on my life—to finally make me realise that I’d been doing it all backwards. I wasn’t even on my own priority list, let alone at the top of it. But here’s the thing: you can’t truly connect with others if you’re disconnected from yourself.
So, I began the messy, quite often awkward, but deeply rewarding journey of learning to love myself. And let me tell you, it’s a bit like peeling an onion—layer by layer, with more than a few tears along the way.
Self-Love Isn’t Selfish; It’s Survival
First, let’s get one thing straight: self-love isn’t selfish. It’s about honouring who you are, not just who the world expects you to be. For me, it meant letting go of the need to be everything for everyone. I started asking myself tough questions like: What do I need today? What does rest look like for me?
It wasn’t easy. It still isn’t! There were moments when guilt crept in, whispering that I should be doing more or giving more. But here’s the truth: you can’t pour from an empty cup. Learning to love yourself is about refilling that cup—whether it’s with a quiet moment and a cup of tea (my British roots are showing here!) or setting boundaries that protect your peace.
Connection Begins with Authenticity
Once I started treating myself with the same care and compassion I so easily gave to others, something incredible happened: my relationships transformed. Instead of showing up as a frazzled version of myself, I began to show up fully present, fully me.
When we’re honest about who we are—imperfections and all—it gives others permission to do the same. Real connection doesn’t happen in curated perfection; it happens in the messy, vulnerable spaces where we admit, “I don’t have it all figured out, but I’m trying.”
One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is that connection thrives on quality, not quantity. It’s not about how many people you know; it’s about the depth of those relationships. And the depth comes from being authentic, from allowing yourself to be truly seen.
Practical Ways to Start Loving Yourself and Connecting with Others
If you’re wondering how to begin this journey, let me share a few things that worked for me:
Date Yourself: I know, this sounds awful, but yes, really! Take yourself out for coffee or make yourself one and sit in the garden; journal, or simply sit with your thoughts. The important thing about this is that it gives you a chance to get to know yourself: what makes you tick, what you like, what you don’t like. Treat yourself as a new friend that you’re desperate to know more about. You are a million percent worth the effort!
Set Boundaries: Loving yourself sometimes means saying “no.” It’s not about shutting people out; it’s about protecting your energy. It’s hard when, for your whole life, you’ve been told that to be “good” is to be available and help people. But in the long run, none of that is actually possible if we don’t take the time to look after ourselves. Sometimes not doing something is actually the best thing, both for you and the other person.
Practise Gratitude: Celebrate your wins, no matter how small. That laundry you folded? Gold star. The kind text you sent a friend? Gold star. If you’ve had an awful day, try and end it by thinking of three tiny little sparks of light... they are there when we look for them. They don’t have to be all-singing-all-dancing events; focus your attention on the tiny details as well!
Show Up Imperfectly: Whether it’s with your family, friends, or colleagues, let go of the need to be perfect. It’s exhausting, and frankly, no one expects it anyway. Be you, with all of your shiny bits as well as the things that don’t shine as much! The real you is the version that people actually want to see and connect with.
The Ripple Effect
What I’ve come to realise is this: when you love yourself, you inspire others to do the same. Your authenticity becomes a magnet for genuine connection. This is a gift that we all need: the permission to be ourselves and love ourselves with everything that is there.
So, if you’ve been waiting for a sign to start prioritising yourself, here it is: it’s time. Start small. Be kind to yourself. And remember, the relationship you build with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life.
You’ve got this. And if you ever need a reminder, just imagine me, cuppa in hand, cheering you on with a cheeky little wink.
