Now, let me start by saying this is a satirical view from my personal experience, I am not a psychologist nor trained in any way to assess mental states. This is just for discussion and a little fun....
The holiday stress starts before it's even been booked with all the questions; when do we go - they're asking their husband - "can you get that week booked off?" Now, where do we go...? This place is affordable but the reviews are rubbish, the neighbour went here and said it was good but I want to one up them and go 5 star plus so our holiday is better. Who do we take? Shall we take my mother who I like and can tolerate as she will babysit for us one night? Or do we take his mother who I can barely tolerate but will likely pay for the kids holiday and whilst there will take them off us any chance she can, so we will get a chance to really relax.... (YES! I have heard these words from customers before!!) Now, all inclusive, it's got to be... I am going to test the whole cocktail menu and the kids will love the 24hr snack bars and endless ice cream too!
Okay.... so I can't afford that price, I'm going to shop around myself online to try and save £70..... 3 days later the prices have all gone up by over £200 so I'm just going to have to book it before it goes up anymore. Nightmare holiday this is turning into! Now I need to make sure the payments go through every month to pay it off.
Email received less than 2 hrs after booking; "how much spending money will we need for this holiday?" Do you like shopping, going out and exploring - having dinner offsite? At an all inclusive resort your biggest spend is likely to be souvenirs unless you choose to venture out!
Now we're packing, got 20kg luggage each!! Need to make a list... I need all my toiletries... and full make up, hairdryer straightener curling tong... WHY has he put his toiletries bag in here? he needs deodorant toothbrush... what's this!!? Shower gel? Nope, he can use mine.... aftershave? He hasn't shaved for 4 years... his deodorant smells great, he can do with that.... hair wax, nope... we're on a weight limit here mate!!!
So, 7 nights... I need a daytime and evening outfit for each day, 4 pairs of shoes, plus flip flops... oh those heels I need those.... and my trainers... my huge sunhat and 4 books. Bikinis... I'll take 4, no... 5... and that swimsuit!
What was he thinking???! 7 days is like swim shorts, evening chino shorts and a couple of pairs of day shorts... he can re wear those multiple days... tops.... 5 T-shirts plus 5 evening shirts... he'll be topless most of the time, oh and trainers... maybe flip flops if we have room. Sighs... now I have to re hang all these clothes he's put in that were not taking!!!
Kids cases - overflowing with squishmallows, 2 pairs of pants.... their colouring book, paint set, hula hoop which they've never touched before in their life! Their floatie - how the hell did they know where that was!!!??? A couple of tops, 15 pairs of socks,....... doing well kids!!! I'll just repack for them..... Blinking Lego!!? As if you're going to want to play with Lego on holiday??! Ok. Packing done!!
Day before; just thinking, I need a base sun cream to apply in the morning, then my sunbathing cream for the first few days and then an oil for topping up my tan... kids factor 50.... and he can just use the kids stuff.
Airport arrival..... it's all a bit stressful, says bag drop opens 3 hrs before flight, but people on Facebook are saying it's like a 90 minute wait for bag drop... so what time do we leave??! What happens if there's traffic on the way?....
interrupted by kids asking "mum, why isn't my 4 plushies in the case!! I can't forget them!!"
Shall we just book an overnight hotel at the airport... or should we get a taxi there?
Right, when we get to the long stay car park, we get a shuttle bus to the terminal... okay. Great!
Where is the car park???!
oh okay, so we park up and it's all done... make sure you bring everything with you out the car... yes. If you want your tablet to work all holiday you need the charger.... what do you mean you left it at home??! Yes I did take it out : weeks ago because you needed to charge your tablet during that time!!! Honestly... do I have to check everything??
Quick everyone, there's a shuttle! Run, come on kids get your stuff... quick, quick... mind the road... watch that car!!! Oh great, we missed that one! How long do we need to wait for this shuttle we've only got 4 hrs til our flight? Yes, I know you need to go..,I need the toilet too!... Get out of my bag!! The passports are in there... if you want a drink I'll pass you it! Just ask. I need a coffee!!! Yes, I'm hungry too.... how can you be bored... we've been here for 8 minutes! Can you three stop arguing... I am not having this all holiday so stop now! Stop running about... oh here the shuttle - thank goodness!
wow, we're here as a family and those people who'd been here before us didn't even let us get on first! shocking! Ow...hubby runs over toes with case as he's trying to put in the luggage bay... right sit down kids 5 minutes and we will be at the terminal! Where's the coffee!!!
Quick, get up, get off whilst dad grabs the cases.... quick, hurry up... off before that other family hold us up..... oh great, now dad is getting everyone their bags and we're here looking like idiots "why did you get their bags??! They could of got their own??!" Well, it was kind of you, but we've got to get to luggage drop....
bathrooms first..... okay.... oh now look there's a huge queue, we should of done this and then gone to the bathroom... oh is that line quicker??! Shall we move!!? Oh goodness.... where's the boarding passes!!? I know they're in here....
Self-service kiosks??! What's all this then!!? It won't scan!! Oh it's worked... add the tag, "next bag, next bag.... no not your backpack" guys... come here, stand still please - I have to concentrate or we won't get these in on time! Okay, darling please can you take them over to the drop point I'll take the kids over here....
"yes, that one... get behind the guy in the red hoodie!!.... that's it... no, don't go over there... why is she telling dad to move!!? Oh it's a clear line... PRESS THE BUTTON!!" now shouting AND gesturing "PRESS THE BUTTON!!" pauses.... "oh thank goodness he's finally done it!"
Right, now we need to go through security... has anyone got any liquids?! No!? Great... are we sure!!? so I'll scan the tickets and you go through - dad first.... now you three... mine won't scan!!! Oh no! Come on... come on....! Gates open. That was so hard!!! Why do they make things so stressful! WHAT!??! these queues are ridiculous... come on then follow it down, keep going.... don't push and shove!!
So jackets off, put them in these trays get your tablet out and lay it in the tray, that's it... and your plushie. Yep wait there for me... okay you go through with dad... next... yep go through... okay you're coming with me. Okay then. Right that's it... oh who's been scanned now... toy car in your pocket!!! Honestly....
oh "it always goes off with me" haha... thankyou.... right where's our stuff!!? Make sure nobody's taken it... I can't see my bag... where's my bag!!...... oh great!!! It's being held and they have to go through it all...how long will this take!!? .... yes... that's mine... yes... you can open it... Scissors!!? Sorry, forgot I had those! Oh crikey.... sorry about that.
I need a drink!! Everywhere is packed... shall we just grab a meal deal and we can eat it on the plane!!? Yes, you can have a drink now!!! Oh let's sit down in here... that queu to order is so long. What a joke!!! I mean they know it's going to be busy... there's a qr code, we can order from the app... what's the WiFi!!? I have no idea! I'm trying to order your breakfast here, just give me a minute and I'll sort it out. Oh this isn't working. You're gonna have to go up to the bar and order hubby! Yeah, that's what we want... get me a coffee too please!!! Oh quick, go and tell dad what table we are.... yes, I will load the internet but just run and do that... because I asked you to!!! Just go... okay you go. Thankyou for helping. Thanks a lot. I only ask you to do one thing and you can't. Honestly. I am not having this all holiday!!
Keep your eyes on the boards for our gate..... it says it will be on there in 45 minutes. I cannot wait to be on that plane and on our way!! So you're all on the internet now, all happy and can stop arguing!? Great, here's dad with drinks, fab! Give me that coffee, I'm gasping!!!
What a stressful morning honestly! So glad we got a table in here, it's manic out there isn't it... look there's people even sleeping on those benches! Crazy!
Where do we get cutlery and sauces, just go and grab 5 of everything... yes I know you want tomato sauce... okay go and get 5 more sauces... Do not spill it on your top, it's brand new. Eat nicely please.... can you use a fork!!? Oh my goodness, you're like rabid animals honestly.... you'd better not be like this all holiday I tell you!!!
Has everyone finished, right we need to grab some water for the plane, I've got snacks and treats... yes, you can have that one. I'm going to grab another coffee to take. Our gate will be up any minute, who needs the toilet?? Okay let's go quickly then our gate will be showing....
Gates up? Oh no..we have to use the shuttle??! Right this is the mob for the shuttle, all stay together, over here, shuffle along, shuffle along... come on come on, otherwise we won't get this one... oh crikey... everyone's going for it... let's wait for the next one... oh my goodness this is a scram, look says 5 minutes for next one, let's wait... right okay, get on this one... come here, come over here and stand there. Hold the at pole. Just stand still, hold on tightly. Hold on.
What gate was it again??! I bet it's right at the end!! Always is isn't it... oh there it is brilliant, right, find some seats... you need the toilet??!! I just asked you a minute ago before the shuttle... okay come on then... can you stay here with the bags??! Thankyou. Honestly, I just want to sit and relax!!
Oh goodness why are you all still sat there, they're queuing already, get up, which queue is ours... sorry, which queue are you!? Priority or non- priority... oh fab Thankyou. Yes... this one... all come here! Right great. Let's get our passports and boarding passes ready. (10 minutes later) why aren't they scanning yet... planes meant to be leaving in 20 minutes... that's not going to happen is it??! Oh this is a joke surely... why are we waiting around... oh here they are okay... so they've done the priority... hold on! why have all these other people come to the front of our queue... come on stay together, they can wait til we've gone through we've been waiting in this queue.... come on, stay together.... here you go, thankyou, thankyou, yep, we're all together... okay come on then!!! Finally can go on holiday!!! Oh hold on... why is everyone queuing down here!!? Oh that's crazy, what a joke!! I mean for goodness sake... yes I know you're tired. I'm tired too... stop pushing him. Guys, seriously... stop it now!!! I'm not going to tell you again. Pack it in!! Hold on... where are these people going!!? We've all been waiting for ages in the queue up there, then here... and now these people are all coming down and getting in front of us all!! I'm not having that, that's not fair... we've got kids... if you'd wanted to be near the front you should of queued!! Pushing in, drives me crazy. No respect some people... I can't believe they've just allowed them to do that!! I'm so frustrated... get me on that plane now so I can relax...
Back steps, back steps... go, go, yes, go... go and queue up for the back steps. I know you're tired, no you can carry your bag! We're nearly there!!! Oh you know what I'm going on my own next time! You are all driving me crazy.
The above was all adapted from scenarios I've witnessed and feelings I've experienced myself as a mom travelling all over the world!! I hope it made you laugh if you can relate or remember similar yourself !
