Trigger warning of grief and loss

I have always had a huge interest in holistic therapies. I can still remember when I was 3 I broke my arm and had to go regularly for physio, I remember looking around at all the physiotherapists, especially when they were doing massages, I was fascinated. I told everyone that was what I was going to do. Then I actually went to school and hated it, no way was I going to go to college never mind Uni. Then when I was 19 I did a beginners aromatherapy course and fell in love with it, me and my friend were going to sign up for the full course. But then my friend decided on another path, the thought of going to college on my own teffieied me, so I backed out.

I worked in retail for a few years, hated it. Then after talking to a family friend I did a teaching assistant course and this began my career of over 20 years working in schools. I worked my way up to pastoral manager, at that time that was my dream job. When I look back I had asked the universe for this, I had said the words "I want to be a Pastoral Manager ". I truly believe this was where I started to learn the skills, confidence and empathy that are vital in my business.

Then 2015 brought my first HUGE trauma. My mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer. My mum was my hero, my best friend and this shattered me. This was also when I first experienced anxiety and anxiety attacks. Losing her I definitely lost a part of me. I think for a spell I was just on automatic pilot, going to work, looking after my husband (who is my rock) and our son, I was numb. But I knew I couldn't stay stuck in this rut, I didnt like who I'd become.

I started doing yoga again, I'd not done it for about 6 years, but it helped my mental health immensely. I started to gradually see things more clearly, I began to change my mindset, I wanted to keep making my mum proud. I got a promotion and moved to another school. I began to work a lot more with the parents. We were part of a pilot that were I was trained to work with parents focusing on their mental health, their childhood and their traumas. It was during this work that I was introduced to Reiki. As part of the sessions both the parents and staff delivering the sessions were given some time to have some Reiki. This helped me more than anything. I couldn't believe how gentle but so powerful this treatment was. It fascinated me. It helped me to heal and accept my grief.

But then came more trauma for me and my family. In May 2022 after fighting a brain tumour for 18 years , my 44 year old sister In law lost her battle. This was just too much. It brought back every second of losing my mum so I was having flashbacks of that alongside watching my sister in law and the fact that she was only 44, it just wasn't fair. Seeing my brother and nephew really struggle to cope with their loss was just heartbreaking. Then more loss, in January 2023 my mother in law died. 

That was it, the huge kick up the backside telling me life is too short. School was absolutely not the place it had been. I was constantly glued to my desk trying to keep on top of paperwork. The parent sessions stopped when Covid hit and there was no time or money to get them back up and running. I was stressed, I was miserable and I was broken, again. I needed something new. I had made a promise to my sister in law that I was going to live the fullest life for her and not waste it. I found a Reiki Master who taught Reiki and this was when I fully reconnected with a holistic lifestyle. I did more and more training and finally, I love learning! With the support and encouragement from my amazing husband, I have followed my dreams, I am now a holistic therapist and well-being mentor (and yes i trained in massage too) and have my beautiful holistic therapy business set up from my home. I honestly feel like I have reconnected with the real me and that the universe had a plan that would lead me back here. They've been some harsh, horrible life lessons I've experienced. But I now understand grief, loss, pain. I understand anxiety, feeling totally numb and lost. I have empathy, sympathy and an unbelievable love for what I do everyday. I now get to help so many who are struggling with their mental health through grief through holistic therapies 

I am unbelievably grateful for everything I have now, to have loved and known those I have lost. I am the happiest I have ever been. 

For those who are struggling with grief, feeling lost and in a dark place. My message to you is things can get brighter again, be gentle with yourself, give yourself time to heal.