Every time you mention anything about make violence and the stats regarding female victims you can almost guarantee one man will pipe up with ……
“But not all men”
Or
“Men get abused too “
Honestly if I had a £1 every time I’d heard that
Nobody disputes men can be abused but the fact is it’s women that are losing their life at the hands of abusive men !
If a man does lose their life it’s usually as a result of a women defending themselves.
The official term is reactive abuse but myself and Jenny Claridge agreed that’s not an accurate way to describe it as it’s a reactive defence response.
It’s when all the goading, minimising, gaslighting, and generally living off your nerves day after day becomes too much that you react without processing what you’re doing.
Which is why it’s reactive in nature.
It’s out of character.
It’s not always as extreme as taking the perpetrator life. It could be saying something out of character, throwing something, ripping something up or just screaming.
I know something my safe parent used to do was smack their head really quite hard when they reached breaking point.
This delighted my abusive parent greatly. They would stand their smirking telling them they were crazy.
I used to just scream hysterically when I reached breaking point and tell my abuser how much I hated him.
Fortunately I’d grown up observing how my abusive parent managed to make us look like the crazy ones so I’d learnt to manage that response a little better in fear of it being twisted.
So back to the but what about men comment…. Well I’ll leave that one to Dr Jessica Taylor
Remember any ladies needing support or guidance on risk around abuse the link for my free group is in my pinned post on my profile.
Both admins are trained experts in coercive control, stalking, other abuse related crimes and trauma
https://whatwouldjesssay.substack.com/p/stop-asking-me-what-about-men?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR0Z07GrG5RzFifHa4LExTMbBi7eTrqs-AXz-b_YpuikfnUt0syqrDlUtIg_aem_AU9743CHNeJ6ZKkwrhVwst_k-t958lBdU8duPDgY29Uh4W1IlXj2chjtPqNMnwP9_ndrlxsMaIMbV8WDTiJvbSG8
