Domestic abuse never starts out abusive, infact it presents as a sort of fairytale.
I'll be honest, I like many girls was a through and through romantic.
Even tho my eyes are well and truly wide open, I'm still a bit of a sucker for love songs and rom coms.
But this is part of the problem..... television and music are natural trace inducers, which explains why they influence us so strongly.
The words and storyline speak stright to our soul.
So when a wolf in sheep's clothing comes along and starts quoting words we hear in these songs and movies, our soul just melts.
The truth is many hopeless romantics are craving to be loved that deeply and unconsciously because often they were starved through childhood.
My childhood was exactly that way.
But you learn to perform not just to the world but to yourself. When things were calm I'd relish in denial until abuse at home crept back in and I'd either find myself getting the silent treatment or playing peace maker to manage escalation.
My siblings would always comment that I was our abusive parents favourite
I was only the favourite when I was massaging their ego
Often for a victim it's safer to keep the perpetrator close and pander to them than battle them.
it's a classic case of Stockholm syndrome.
so when I got into the relationship with my now ex husband I was perfectly primed to turn a blind eye to the gaslighting, name calling, silent treatment.
It was only when the threats to unalive me and the violence ramped up did I really sit back and think ..... I'm trapped.
But I wasn't really a stranger to that as that was normal growing up too. But all the earlier stages of coercive control I never associated with abuse and the violence and threats I looked for reasons.
because if there's a reason we can fix it right ?
Not when it comes to abuse.
The only solution is to escape.
in my next post I'll cover some safety exit tips so be sure to check it out.
And keep your eyes peeled for my resource for women and girls next month
empowering women globally to spot the early signs of abuse and advocate for themselves to effectively keep themselves safe
