Were you thin before?

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A reflection on how my response to a question showed me how far I’ve come.

Standing with my feet in the water on the beach, I saw someone who looked familiar. When he looked at me, he also had a “you look familiar” look on his face. Later, as I played with my children, he comes over and we start chatting about how we look familiar to each other and try and place where we may have met before. 

I left the country 19 years ago, and I’m now 40something, so we have to go way back. Anyway, so we’re doing the usual… Where did you live? Where did you go to school? Then he asks, “Were you thin back then?” 

For a second it felt like my brain had an electric shock. Do you know what I mean? It was like a zzzzzt feeling in my head. 

Then I noticed my response. I confidently, positively replied, “No.” And that was that. I could see that he meant no malice when he asked that question. He wasn’t being nasty. I didn’t feel offended. I realised that I just don’t give a damn what he thinks of me and my body. Although I get the feeling he appreciated it ( ;-) ) 

If this was a few years back, I’d have been mortified. I would have felt shame. Shameful of my body. Shameful of who I am. Shameful of me. Well, there’s no shame in my game! Not anymore. Not since I started doing the work on loving ME….ALL of me. 

If there was a magic button that would give me a smaller body, I’d probably press it. Seriously. But there isn’t and so I focus on being a great role model for my children. Loving on myself and all of me so that they learn to do the same. They know that I love my body, that I’m proud of my body for what it’s capable of, and especially that it housed them for 9ish months each. Embodied self-confidence and self-belief is one of the best gifts I can give to them. 

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Comments
Creo Boutique 44 w

I lost my self-confidence with my body image as I keep seeing the way I used to look and how much my body has changed since having children and health challenges. I am only just now starting to get used to the new me even though my body isn't the way I want it to be.