Greetings readers!
Thanks to anyone who dropped by on my Memorable Monday post, where I interviewed artist Lainey T.
Today, I wanted to talk about something I've been ruminating on while I took a week's 'staycation' to spend some quality time with my family, while my son and his partner visited.
I've been thinking about how the internal stories we tell ourselves, and the language we use, can affect how we see ourselves and influence our behaviour.
During one of my ADHD coaching sessions, I complained about how I hadn't achieved anything in the previous week between sessions. My coach asked why. What had been going on in my life? I replied that I had felt too burned out from changing GP surgeries to work on my novel.
My coach stopped me ... "You changed GPs?" She clarified.
I shrugged, like it was no big deal, and replied, "Yes, but I haven't worked on my writing this week."
My coach then pointed out that changing GPs is a huge achievement, and that I should be proud of myself. She also noted how we think about our actions, the language we use and the internal stories we tell ourselves can affect our behaviour.
She gave me the example that she worked late on a Sunday, knowing that she had a busy day coming up, and that she wouldn't have time to prepare for a forthcoming trip otherwise. Was that her neglecting her partner during her time off? Or was that her doing a kindness to her future self, but ensuring all her tasks were completed, and she had some downtime before her trip?
Reframing it like that really resonated with me, and I started trying to reframe all my actions.
Was I lazy because I spent all day in bed? Or was I investing in self-care, because I was prepmentrual and in a more low energy phase?
Another part of this was recognizing I am not just one thing. I am a writer, but that's not ALL I am. I'm also a spouse, a parent, a child, and a person with health difficulties, among other things. Each of these facets of myself are valid, and sometimes one area takes precedence over another.
Am I a failure because I haven't written for a week? Well, what's the reason I haven't written? Oh, I took the week off because my son and his partner were visiting, and we went on some trips and spent quality time together.
So, it wasn't a failure, it was prioritizing one valid part of my life over another, equally as valid part of my life. That's how it goes sometimes.
The key is finding the balance, recognizing your wants and needs, and thinking carefully about the internal language you use.
Try replacing lazy with self-care, and see how that changes your perspective of a day spent in bed.
Substitute 'good, hard-working writer,' for 'good, well-rounded person' and then ask yourself if you've achieved nothing in a week.
The world will try to knock us down. Society is quick to point out when people are 'lazy' for not spending 24 hours a day, seven days a week doing something 'productive' (aka something that benefits capitalism). We don't need to be reinforcing these lies in our own heads.
We need to be kinder to ourselves. We need to be conscious of the internal stories we tell, and the language we use. We need to recognize our achievements, even if they weren't on our 'to-do' lists that week. We need to accept we're still valuable members of society even when we're not productive. A person's worth isn't dictated by how many hours a week they've worked. And one part of your life (i.e. career) isn't more important than another (i.e. marriage) even if sometimes, one aspect has to take priority.
Before I head off, I wanted to ask what everything thinks of these types of posts. The last two 'Writing Wednesday' posts have been less about my novels, and my writing journey, and more about my life as a whole. Is that something you'd prefer, and like to see more of? Because honestly, that's what I'm feeling most drawn to blogging about right now. And we all know how the old adage goes, "Write what you know."
I'll be back this 'Favourites Friday,' where I'll be discussing my latest obsession -- the animated Netflix show The Dragon Prince. Spoilers: It's amazing!
Until then, take care and stay creative.
T.T.F.N.
