Falling In Love

But he loves me.

Abuse isn’t always physical. 

Abuse isn’t always obvious. 

Sometimes abuse is disguised as love.

She was a bright girl. Passed all her exams and onto A-levels. The whole world at her feet.

She was 16. Head over heels in love. 

He was much older, she trusted him.

Forfeiting Friends For Love

The first thing he did was ask her to stop speaking to her male friends. 

She already knew she couldn’t have male friends if she had a boyfriend - that had been a conversation with her parents, months before. 

But these were good friends. She hated what she had to do.

“If you love me you’ll do as I ask”

The inexplicable jealousy

Next came the raging jealousy on nights out that ended in rows.

“He looked at you, he’s no right looking at you, why did you look back at him, did you fancy him?”

Sleep it off.

“I only got upset because I love you.”

From New Friendships Back To Isolation

They had a baby and got married. 

She made new friends because she was allowed out with the baby.

For a few months life was good. She built friendships and had a good social life with the other mums and their babies.

Then the babies started getting bigger and the mums started having nights out. 

She couldn’t go. 

“You wouldn’t want to go out without me anyway, would you?” 

The friendships fell apart. 

The isolation returned. 

Rationalising The Unhealthy

The suicidal thoughts returned. 

The only thing keeping her going was her baby. 

Oh well, she thought, suck it up, this is what life is.

Life isn’t meant to be sunshine and rainbows every second is it? 

And they did have good times. 

And he did love her.

Because he told her so. 

He just wanted to protect her and didn’t want to lose her.

But he did lose her.

Not A Possession 

By now she was 20.

The first chance she got, the first glimpse of freedom, of a world outside of her own, the first interest someone else paid to her.

She left. 

She broke her own heart. She defied everything she once believed to be right and true but she couldn’t take anymore. 

Because she wasn’t a thing to be kept. 

She wasn’t a possession to show off.

She was a woman with hopes and dreams and had a right to breathe freely without being stifled, suffocated by the man who said loved her. 

Abuse Doesn't Always Leave A Mark

Love should never mean losing yourself and who you are.

Abuse isn't always visible; it doesn't always leave a mark. 

Sometimes, it hides behind the guise of love, a distorted version that manipulates, controls, and confines. 

Love should liberate, not confine.

If you or someone you know is worried about domestic abuse, please feel free to reach out to me or seek help online at  https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/ or call 0808 2000 247 for free confidential advice.