We live in a world that celebrates the visible milestones of motherhood, pregnancy announcements, gender reveals, the first smiles and steps of a newborn. Yet beneath these joyful moments, there’s a deeper, quieter transformation unfolding within every mother and one that society often overlooks or misunderstands. This transformation is called Matrescence, a word that finally acknowledges what women have felt in their hearts for generations that becoming a mother changes you on every level.
But here’s the reality most of us aren’t taught how to support mothers through this profound shift. Instead, we tell them to "bounce back," as if the goal after giving birth is to somehow return to the person they were before. We suggest that their “old self” is something they can reclaim, as if motherhood is simply an event to endure rather than a transformation to embrace.
And so, many mothers are left feeling anxious, lonely, and invisible, wondering why they don’t feel like themselves anymore. The truth is, they aren’t the same and they aren’t meant to be. Just as a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly, a woman transforms into a mother. It’s a process that changes not just her body, but her mind, her heart, and her very identity.
A Journey, Not a Destination.
Motherhood isn’t something that happens to you in a moment; it’s a journey that reshapes you from the inside out. Your priorities shift, your understanding of love deepens, and your sense of self stretches in ways you never imagined. And yet, as mothers, we’re often made to feel like we should be the same person we were before, that we should somehow "snap back" whether it’s our bodies, our careers, or our social lives.
But that’s not the reality of matrescence. This transition is messy, complex, and beautiful all at once. It’s waking up at 3am to soothe a crying baby, even though you feel utterly exhausted. It’s moments of overwhelming love mixed with feelings of loss for the woman you used to be. It’s finding yourself again, not by going back, but by moving forward into a new version of yourself, shaped by the experience of nurturing life.
Why Support and Compassion Matter.
The journey of matrescence is all-consuming and life-changing. It’s no wonder that without the proper support, so many mothers feel lost or disconnected. When we tell mothers to “get back to normal,” we deny them the space they need to embrace their new selves. We make them feel as though they’re failing when, in fact, they’re evolving in the most remarkable way.
What mothers need isn’t a roadmap to their past selves; they need compassion as they navigate this new terrain. They need to be held emotionally, mentally, and physically as they learn to balance the weight of responsibility with the lightness of love. They need validation that the changes they’re feeling are real and important. They need space to grieve their old identities while celebrating the new.
When we fail to acknowledge the depth of matrescence, we leave mothers to walk this path alone. But when we recognise it, we can offer them the empathy, patience, and understanding they deserve.
A Call for a New Narrative.
What if instead of asking mothers when they’ll “bounce back,” we asked them how they’re growing? What if we shifted the conversation from “getting back” to moving forward, embracing the new versions of ourselves that motherhood brings forth?
Let’s start a new narrative, one where we honour the emotional and spiritual shifts that come with motherhood. Let’s offer mothers the support and love they need to feel whole in this new chapter of their lives. Because motherhood is not just an act of caregiving; it’s an act of becoming. It’s a rebirth for the mother just as much as it is for the child.
We are more than our “old selves.” We are mothers reborn, transformed, and forever changed. And that change deserves to be acknowledged, nurtured, and celebrated.
Let’s recognise matrescence for what it truly is: a sacred, powerful, and life-altering transition that every mother deserves to experience with grace, compassion, and love. Only then can we truly support the mothers of the world as they grow into the women they were always meant to be.
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Life of Love with Julie Hilsen 10 w
I love this post! Thank you. I had a great guest on my podcast who defined the different roles of a woman. I found it intriguing to look my life through these lenses. The Maiden, the Seductress, The Matron and Crow. We weave in and out of those roles and evolve, growing constantly. I found labels can tie us down and make it easy to self-doubt or judge. In the end, we are everything!