What is Trauma Bonding?

Last week we looked at reasons people stay in abusive relationships, trauma bonding is a phenomenon that often keeps survivors tethered to their abusers despite the harm inflicted upon them. In this blog, we'll explore what trauma bonding is, how it develops, and strategies for breaking free from its grasp.

Trauma bonding, also known as Stockholm Syndrome, refers to a deep emotional connection that forms between an abuser and their victim. This bond is forged through a combination of fear, dependence, and intermittent reinforcement of positive and negative behaviours by the abuser. Despite the abuse endured, the victim may feel a sense of loyalty, attachment, and even love towards their abuser.

Understanding the Dynamics:

Trauma bonding often develops in abusive relationships where there is a power imbalance and manipulation tactics are employed by the abuser to exert control over the victim. These tactics may include gaslighting, love bombing, isolation, and threats, which serve to confuse, disorient, and destabilise the victim's sense of reality and self-worth.

The Cycle of Abuse:

Trauma bonding is reinforced by the cycle of abuse, which typically involves periods of tension building, explosive incidents of abuse, remorseful reconciliations, and fleeting moments of calm. The victim may interpret the abuser's apologies and displays of affection during the reconciliation phase as evidence of their love and concern, further deepening the bond. See my blog post “Why doesn’t She Leave” for more on the cycle of abuse.

Breaking Free:

Breaking free from trauma bonding requires courage, strength, and support. It involves recognising the dynamics of the abusive relationship, acknowledging the harm inflicted by the abuser, and reclaiming one's independence and self-worth. Here are some strategies for breaking free from trauma bonding:

• Educate Yourself: Learn about trauma bonding and how it operates within abusive relationships. Understanding the dynamics can help you recognise the signs and patterns of manipulation.
• Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups for validation, empathy, and guidance. Surround yourself with people who believe in your worth and support your journey to healing.
• Practice Self-Care: Prioritise your physical, emotional, and mental well-being by engaging in self-care activities that nurture and replenish your spirit. This may include exercise, creative expression, or therapy.
• Plan for Safety: If you decide to leave the abusive relationship, create a safety plan to protect yourself and your children. This may involve securing a safe place to stay, seeking legal protection, and accessing resources for survivors of domestic violence.

You Are Not Alone:

Trauma bonding is a powerful force that can keep survivors trapped in abusive relationships, but it is possible to break free. By understanding the dynamics of trauma bonding and taking proactive steps towards healing and empowerment, survivors can reclaim their lives and build a future free from fear and abuse. Remember, you are not alone, and there is support available. 

If you or someone you know is worried about domestic abuse, please feel free to reach out to me or seek help online at  https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/ or call 0808 2000 247 for free confidential advice.