If you are a worrier, the chances are you like to have things planned out and to know what's happening, when, where, how, and with whom. You likely tend to play scenarios out in your mind, cover every possibility, and practice conversations in your head. By doing this you feel in control, which means you can stop worrying - or does it?
Life isn't as simple as that, planning things out to the minute detail doesn't stop the worry as there is always a 'what if?' and then the unexpected comes into play which can completely throw you off course. Which brings you back to square one and you start worrying again. This is because you want to feel in control of a situation, that if you are in control everyone and everything will be ok.
The thing is, maintaining complete control is impossible. Situations, people, and outcomes can't be controlled by you or anyone else, for that matter. The more you try to grip on to control, with the intention of settling your worries, the less likely you are to feel calm and at peace. You spend so much time and energy into trying to manage what's happening and worrying about the 'what ifs' that you aren't fully present and a part of what's going on around you. And once an event is over, and your worries were unfounded, you realise you missed it on the fun because you were too busy holding on so tightly.
You end up feeling drained, exhausted and let down by the actions you thought would help and feel fed up and annoyed that you spent more time and energy worrying than you did enjoying and being a part of it all.
Here are a few ways to help you worry less and enjoy life more:
Recognise your need for control
Look out for signs that you are overthinking and overplanning. Is it really necessary for you to know all the details? Are you trying to second-guess other people and their reactions? Are you creating multiple scenarios? Ask yourself why you need to plan everything in so much detail - and be honest. You don't need to admit it to anyone else but you do need to be honest and truthful with yourself.
Practise self-kindness
You aren't a bad person, so don't beat yourself up for doing it. You aren't trying to be controlling or manipulative. You worry and want is best for everyone and you have good intentions. But worrying this much isn't fun and you don't want to spend so much time overthinking and you don't want to micro-manage people. So be kind to yourself as change isn't easy.
Start to loosen the grip
Now you are aware your worrying is leading you to try and control a situation, and it's not at all how you want to feel or act, you can start to let go of the reins.
- You know deep down you can't plan for every possible outcome so bring it into the light and tell yourself that.
- You know that trying to be in control doesn't make you worry less. It's not easy to admit, but you know it's true.
- You know that you have managed, coped with, and survived every unexpected and unplanned situation and event that life has thrown at you so far because you are here today.
- You know that by stepping back from that need to be in control doesn't mean your life will fall apart. It means that you, and not your worry, are in control of your own life, as you have known all along.
So try to relax that need to always be in control, even if it's just a little bit, so you can spend less of your time worrying and put more of your energy into enjoying life and feeling calmer and more peaceful.
