There is definitely something in the air right now; something a little unsettling that has our ancestral senses scanning the horizon and sniffing the air as we try to identify what has made us feel this unnerved. Is this you? You're not alone, believe me. As a professional tarot reader I'm seeing so many clients that basically have the same concerns: change is all around them and they don't know what to do for the best. Relationships are struggling, even breaking down, jobs are suddenly uncertain, and there's this sense that they are barely hanging on to adult life by their fingertips.
While I'm not an astrologist, even I have been aware of how planetary changes have shaken things up for everybody. Saturn has moved into Pisces, which is bringing us back down to Earth with a bit of a bump, a sentiment echoed in Jupiter's shift to Taurus, making us more practical. Perhaps the biggest influence has been Pluto's transition. After 14 years it is moving from Capricorn to Aquarius, and while I'm not an expert at these things, I also recognise that this is a Big Deal (yes, it needs capital letters) because this represents massive generational shifts, and as the god of Death and Rebirth, you can see why this is shaking things up for people. Numerologically 2023 is a 7 year, and in tarot this is the number of the Chariot, a reminder that we need to spend this year preparing and getting our thoughts and intentions all running in the same direction if we are to prosper, whatever prospering looks like to you.
Which brings me to my own life. This past year has been incredibly tough as I've struggled with an as yet undiagnosed chronic health condition. Beyond that, I know the next 12-18 months are going to be a challenge as my husband leaves the military and faces transitioning into civilian life after 25+ years, and while I am absolutely clear that we will be ok, I'm not an idiot and I know that navigating these times and supporting my husband is going to be incredibly hard; I'm just going to have to keep my eyes on the prize and keep us moving forward, together, and remember to ask for help from those who have trod this path before us.
Spiritually I am in a bit of a weird place. My path as a witch is transforming slightly. Well, not really slightly if I'm honest. When I came to this path back in 2001 there wasn't really the internet as we know it today; everything was still on dial up, there was no social media (Friends Reunited was only just becoming a thing - do you remember that?) and so in order to learn anything you either needed to know somebody who was willing to teach you or you hit bookshops, proper, old fashioned bookshops in the days before Amazon and AI generated content.
All this meant I picked things up relatively organically, from authors who resonated with me. Being British I naturally sought out British authors, learning quite early on that American pagans did things rather differently and included cultural references and herbal recommendations that made no sense to me. A lot of the books were what I called Wicca-esque, in that though they weren't actually Wiccan and were designed for a solitary practitioner (Wicca being a coven-based practice), the ritual structures and core beliefs were greatly influenced by Gerald Gardner, Doreen Valiente and their early published works. There was nothing wrong with what I was reading, but many of the spells and rituals were simply too complicated for what I felt in my soul; I now know they were greatly influenced by High Magick and the works of Alestair Crowley, The Golden Dawn, etc, which in turn were influenced by Masonic practices. To be honest it all felt a bit too masculine, whereas I preferred being barefoot in the dirt in a forest somewhere to being in a temple with a ceremonial sword. Also don't get me started on Gerald Gardner himself, with his naturism and the replacement of his High Priestess whenever she got too old for his liking. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing shameful about nakedness, but everything I read about Gardner raised red flags for me, and I have an aversion to clothing being a barrier to learning and spiritual experience, so very early on I realised Wicca wasn't my path and, over the years, I have become more aligned to Traditional Witchcraft with it's connection to the land upon which you practice, it's relationship with deities, fae and demons, and a much earthier practice.
I have been attending a local moot and their open rituals pretty much since I moved to the area; I knew I had reached a point where my path needed community and there they were. The High Priestess and High Priest that ran the moot also ran training groups for beginners where they taught the basics like shielding and grounding, how to cast and take down a circle, and so on. For those of us that were more experienced and wanted to do more they formed a small circle group, and we practiced working our energies together, we created poppets for one of the circle members, we learnt to make our own 9' cords and the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, a ritual by Crowley which is practiced by many ceremonial magicians. Cord making and poppets I was fine with, but the High Magick of the LBRP and it's work with archangels was very foreign, and it's still not something that feels natural to me.
Yet here I am, in something of a spiritual crossroads, because despite being adamant I didn't work well with others (while actually working very well with others as we've seen) and stating that I had no intention of ever becoming a Wiccan, I was invited to join a Gardnerian coven and, after several months of soul-searching and discussion with the High Priestess and High Priest in question, I was initiated as a first degree priestess of a coven with a very short and prestigious lineage.
You can see why I'm feeling pulled in so many directions, can't you? My health's been appalling, my husband is getting more and more anxious every day, everywhere you turn the news is all doom and gloom and nobody can afford to live anymore, and to top it all off I'm a flippin Wiccan! So I did what I've always done, and I pulled a card for myself, and I chose an oracle card because sometimes I can overthink a tarot card when it's for myself. This is from the Animal Spirits of the Sacred Isles oracle deck andI love it; it was a Kickstarter by my online friend Lyn Thurman and it channels native British wildlife for its messages. As you can see, I drew Frog. I always think about what this means to me, and my first thoughts were transformation, but an easier one than Butterfly would represent. So far, so good, and that makes perfect sense. Then I looked up the keyword and it is Custodian, and that has knocked me sideways if I'm honest, because that is exactly right.
The dictionary defines a custodian as someone who has the responsibility for taking care of or protecting something, and doesn't that just sum things up perfectly? We are the custodians of our own lives. We have to take responsibility for our choices, whether that is who we love, the job we do, or any magick that we work, but it is also our job to take steps to protect not just ourselves but also those things that are precious to us. For me this means my health, my marriage, my business and my witchcraft. We are on this planet such a short time, and we must do our best every day to make the right choices on both the small and large scale. We own nothing, we are just custodians. When I am dead and gone my posessions don't cease to exist so I must choose what to buy wisely, or choose not to buy at all. When I am feeling stressed, I must choose how to process that emotion while causing as little harm as possible to myself and others. The list goes on, and yet the responsibility of a custodian doesn't feel like a burden but an honour. So my question to you is this:
What decisions will you make today as the custodian of your own life?
If this is a question that has got you stumped or you're simply feeling overwhelmed by life and all the cosmic chaos that is swirling around you, I can help. I offer live video tarot readings anywhere in the world, or if you are local to the area I offer face-to-face readings in King's Lynn, Norfolk, at one of the beautiful historic buildings in town, and I can help you to understand what is really going on, how you got to this point, and most importantly how you can move forward. Check out my website at witchhazelsmagick.com for more information or reach out to me here.
