Winter, The Crone, The Dark Moon, Menstruation Week – Days 1-7:

Alongside the Dark Moon, we descend into reflection mode. The energy decreases and hibernation calls us as if the winter chill takes hold, and we need to cosy up and do very little.

In this phase, we begin to reflect on the past, the lessons we learned, and the blessings that came our way. We become very self-absorbed, intuition is at its highest, and the veil between us and our ancestors is thin as the intuition opens up in preparation for the release of the menstrual blood.

REFLECTION TIME:

My Personal Reflections – January 2024: The Cycle of 7:

My mind wanders to times passed, 7 years previous.

Life happens in cycles of 7; Grief happens in cycles of 7; Healing happens in cycles of 7. 7 years ago this month, I didn’t know what turmoil I would be facing in the 12 months following.

7 years ago next month, we lost my Auntie to womb cancer very suddenly, 7 years ago in March we lost a fellow beautiful Mama in our school community to breast cancer, 7 years ago in November we lost another Auntie to breast cancer, then 6 years ago nearly to the day we lost a good family friend to Lymphoma – all too young, all different cancers. Then the straw that broke the camel’s back, 6 years ago this coming March, mine and my children’s normal changed forever, when their mummy and daddy had to go their separate ways after 11 years of trying everything to get along for the sake of the children. Lessons and blessings in one, a life-altering period of time for all of us. Grief.

The Mama Who Left Sparkles Wherever She Went – Jewells:

A beautiful presence in the local community, she was the most smiley, happiest woman I think I had ever met. A smile that completely lit up the path she was walking on, never a frown, always a giggle to be had and a joy to be around. Behind the smiles however, was a woman fighting for her life, quite literally and I only found out towards the end because she masked it so incredibly well. Always time for other people, adorable boys who we always said hello to on the school run. She walked towards the school with her two boys, as I was walking towards the pre-school with my youngest son and still to this day, I walk the same paving stones she did on the same route and think of her all the time. Always time for a chat about how the kids were getting on and she was always bubbling with ideas for the holistic business I used to run with my children’s dad, a huge interest of hers. She fought to the absolute end bless her, until she had no fight left to fight. She and her family did a lot of fundraising to get her the treatment she needed overseas to try and give her another chance, but sadly in March 2017, she lost her 5-year battle at age only 43.

I attended her funeral at the local church, bearing witness to this beautiful woman’s life and seeing the completely broken family she left behind, standing so strong considering the pain they were feeling, always keeping up appearances. During the ceremony, there were so many familiar faces from our school community, who I had been seeing for the previous 4-5 years with my daughter being in the same class as one of her boys, as well as many other people we had connected with over that time.

I had a shocking realisation, as I was hearing about her life, that I actually barely knew this beautiful soul, I knew only one very small part of her kaleidoscope of a life – the part when she was being mum to her boys, because that is all we ever spoke about. I had been invited to a few mum meets but I had got my youngest at the time and he was a baby, so I couldn’t get out much. I learned about her life and got to know this wonderful woman, at her funeral through the stories told about her and it truly was a celebration of life. She was a woman of depth, character, joy and a bundle of fun who had a zest for life like no other I had met and she loved to travel. I just wish I had got to know her more, because it turned out that we had so many things in common.

The service at the church was so beautiful. She was brought from her home that was on the same road as the church, by horse-drawn carriage and the coffin that was chosen for her, had images of pink cherry blossoms all over it. She had a deep love of East-Asia and spent time in Japan which I later heard about from her widow who shared incredible stories of experiences she had had in her younger years. I ultimately was so incredibly blessed to get to know this lady (who in fact was a stranger to me until after her death), through the eyes of her family – the ones who loved her and knew her the most. In getting to know her so deeply, through the eyes of her soulmate and children, I learnt that there truly is nobody like her. She truly was a priceless Jewel.

Such a huge loss to all of her loved ones that I felt so deeply in supporting them so intensely, a year after her death, after my own losses as well. We were two families who came together to support each other in our times of deep need. Two families in the midst of deep grief and bereavement for some of the same but also for different losses. We helped each other find our true selves once more and surfed the waves of grief by throwing ourselves into fun adventures, that I and my children had never experienced before. For those adventures, I am eternally grateful because they awakened something inside me that has made me into the woman I am now – one to live life to the full and as if it were my last day on earth. 

The stories I heard about our beautiful jewel, completely explained why she was the person she was. She was so well travelled and loved learning about other cultures – immersing herself in the experiences to truly learn from the frontline. These immersions from her ‘old life’ before motherhood, shined through her with her love of people from all walks of life and how she viewed all cultures as equal, without any judgement ever - just pure acceptance of the person who was in front of her.

A Sanctuary of Memories On My Doorstep:

The service was at the same church I see from my upstairs windows and hear the bells chime every Sunday. It is a constant reminder of memories passed, a time-capsule representing moments of love, pride, loss and pain.

The service was at the same church that we had celebrated so many years of nativity, through the school our children attended, our families side by side, with all of our children in attendance every year without fail.

The same church, where I had sat on the bench in the churchyard and was visited by my Auntie’s spirit, when I was approaching a time of deep crisis - she had passed just the month before our smiley community Mama passed as well, and I had been supporting my Auntie’s widow - my Uncle - through the weeks following her death, literally just before my Mama friend’s death. My Auntie came to me as I was in deep shock from the support my uncle needed so desperately, after many years of not having much to do with either of them. I however, was the only one able and patient enough to support him whilst my mum and dad had been sorting out the financial affairs for him. I offered a listening ear and a mountain of support through his toughest time.

That same church later saw many more personal moments for me; from moments of solace and quiet over the years, through to the place my world crashed down all over again on the 11^th November 2018, Remembrance Sunday. I went to the service to remember those loved ones I lost, and 2017-2018 was a year of losing too many loved ones to remember, as well as losing the dream I’d had of a happily-ever-after fairy-tale marriage (that was a dream I’d hoped one day would happen in my marriage but it sadly couldn’t.) It also represented the year of a deep and intense companionship, and friendship coming to a premature end, as well as family breakdowns left, right and centre. It was all too much at once to face.

On that November day, the grief took me over and consumed me like a dark cloud engulfing and suffocating me. As I remembered it all and wept quietly holding my children’s hands so tightly during the 2-minute silence, inside, I was fighting a tsunami of emotions that wanted to come out. I had to fight these emotions to ‘save face’ in the crowds and in front of my children. Although I was surrounded by people, I had never felt so alone before.

The grief later caught up with me, in early 2019, after running away from it for the year before, and it came in the form of a dark and terrifying time where I was not coping with life at all and genuinely began to think people would be better off without me, even my children.

Thankfully, my guardian angels helped me somehow find the strength to go on to face my grief head-on, as well as my traumas, to help me lay things to rest and begin my own healing journey. Lessons and Blessings, Always.

Cherry Blossom Therapies – From Me or from Her Coming Through Me?

I had always thought that the name for my business came from the fact that Cherry Blossoms bloom around my birth date here in the UK (28^th April), but now I find myself wondering if it in fact came from her instead? Her love of Japan, Cherry Blossoms being her favourite flower, the Zen life that she adored, through the cultures she was fascinated by, that I can only read about in beautiful books and learn about through the stories I was told about her, from her widow.

Maybe she brought the families together in 2018, to help us support each other, to help us heal, to help me find myself after being lost for so long. I can only speculate, but the fact I visited her gravestone today at our local churchyard, and ran into her boys a few weeks ago, leading us to connect again, shows me once more, that perhaps those spirit guides can come in the form of beings we once knew in their earth-form.

I’ve always felt watched over by something, but I am not a religious person. I am a spiritual being in human form, yes, absolutely through and through, but not for specific religions. I do believe in Guardian Angels, and maybe, just maybe, she is one of them who guides as she guided us earth-side. I have definitely been shown grace by a number of Earth Angels in my lifetime, who have helped guide me in times of desperation and darkness.

I have always somehow found the light again, but I cannot believe that is just from me – a humble human bean. I guess I’ll never know for certain, but in the times the Sun Rises and Sets in its most glorious colours, I feel her, I feel them that I’ve loved deeply and lost. When I pass a robin or see white feathers when I’m lost deep in thought, as I feel the gentle breeze through my hair, the cool moonlight bathing me and the warm sun caressing my skin, I do believe in angels and I have been blessed by many.

The signs are always there, you just have to be open to seeing them, and above all else, trust your purpose for being here in this miracle that is life. Count your blessings and share gratitude for what you do have every day and more will come for you.

Not everybody has been given the chance to live beyond middle age and life truly is too short. Forgive quickly, love deeply and be kind to everyone, you don’t know what they are facing in their worlds.

Much Love Always,

Anna Chantal xx